The Lakers are going to be bad this year. Really bad. With Byron Scott at the helm and a lineup full of D-leaguers, pan-flashes and has-beens; they are in need of some serious help. Who better than the original Superman himself, Shaquille O’Neal?
1) He’s Probably Still a Top-5 Center
If he started training right now, I bet Shaq could be in game shape (well, game shape for Shaq) by Christmas Day. And, with a game against the Bulls on the schedule, who wouldn’t wanna see Shaq belt one of Pau Gasol’s weak layups into the fifth row? Or, put Derrick Rose squarely on his ass? The center position has fallen by the wayside, and dominant big men have gone the way of the dodo bird. Shaq could easily (in limited minutes) average 10 and 10 and put himself squarely in the top-5 center conversation along with Dwight Howard, Roy Hibbert, Marc Gasol and DeAndre Jordan.
Now, let me be perfectly clear, I HATE the Lakers. But, a bad Lakers team is bad for the NBA. Add to that this year’s shitty Celtics and Knicks teams, and suddenly three of the league’s most storied franchises are all bottom feeders. As a lifelong Cavaliers fan, I take tremendous pleasure in seeing all of them struggle; however, I do recognize that Lakers, Celtics and Knicks fans probably make up somewhere between a quarter and a half of all basketball fans. The league needs these teams to at least be respectable. C’mon Shaq! The Lakers need you! Jack needs you! Basketball needs you!
Yeah, yeah. Both Shaq and Kobe have said that there’s no grudge and no bad blood. But, c’mon, man. What better way to show the world that it’s all in the past than to team up and get the franchise back on track? Who knows? Maybe we could even get the refs to rig a few games and get this team back in the finals. Am I right, Chris Webber?
4) Someone Needs to Break a Backboard
Some years back, the league had to Shaq-proof the basketball stanchions because they simply weren’t strong enough for Mr. O’Neal. You know those engineers have been slacking off ever since Shaq retired. I, for one, would love to see him rip one down one last time.
5) Show These Punks How to Be a Rap Superstar
Sorry Damian Lillard and Lance Stephenson, but Shaq was rappin’ while y’all was crappin’ in your Huggies. And, he launched his career without the help of Twitter and YouTube.
So what do you say, Shaq? Let’s make this happen!